Do you relate to this poem ..?
I'm very ugly
So don't try to convince me that
I am a very beautiful person
Because at the end of the day
I hate myself in every single way
And I'm not going to lie to myself by saying
There is beauty inside of me that matters
So rest assured I will remind myself
That I am a worthless, terrible person
And nothing you say will make me believe
I still deserve love
Because no matter what
I am not good enough to be loved
And I am in no position to believe that
Beauty does exist within me
Because whenever I look in the mirror
I always think Am I as ugly as people say?
There are days for all of us, when we feel a little bit more insecure about ourselves… but for those of you who may be feeling this torture everyday… for those of you who are in need of some encouraging words to set your thoughts in a better direction… I hope this blog will help you – For the days when you feel ugly, insecure, or unwanted.
I know these words and ideas may not be enough for some of you who are facing a more serious issues in regards to one’s self image, but I hope there are still some things that you can take away from this blog.
Social Media Definition of Beauty :
Deadly smile, long legs, flawless skin, shiny long hair, perfect jawline, zero figure, plum lips, sculpted body, tinny forehead, perfect hairline, lifted eyebrow, hairless body etc.
The list is endless and so is your demand to achieve it all because you believe that's the only definition of True Beauty.
Definition of Beauty :
A combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses. Yes its a combination of all that you are and not just one thing that you think defines it and you should not pressure yourself to have it all just so you can fit in of what others think about beauty and how the media, Hollywood, Bollywood projects its.
Note : I may focus this blog on the specific thought processes one may need to change, but by no means am I against the idea of changing yourself physically, such as putting makeup on or getting plastic surgery if needed.
Its great to Look good and Feel good but the pressure your putting yourself through everyday to pass the society expectations and checklist of How you should present yourself is not needed at all.
Well the two trigger words "perfect" & "complete.' I know this words are very familiar to you during the whole #transition process.
But is pressuring and limiting yourself to achieve the perfect and complete mindset helping you ? Or putting you further down ? Does it Fit your personal needs Or is most of it a constant need of acceptance from others ?
Remember FFS or plastic surgeries can help you not heal the broken self image you have been carrying on for a while.
Because if you keep questioning your looks, you may conduct 10 different surgery to fix what you feel is not right. But in reality its not how you look , its more of how you heal the way you feel.
Plus FFS may be one of the process that can help but not the only available process, when you feel no matter what i try i only see a surgery as the only option than its fine, but contemplate on all the pro and cons . You may like the result or you may not and you may keep correcting it till you feel it has reached a perfect mark. Understand that who has put the benchmark on looking perfect is it you or is it a women's magazine or Beauty article who said that to be true?
Look around you may have a deep desire to pass as a CIS women but no women looks same , dress same , have the same jawline, eyebrow, lips or chin. You are as unique and as Beautiful as any other women i know, I wish you could see that too.
Your a women with so much power.
Who you are now is vibrant and attractive. You have a flawless smile and beautiful colored eyes, that no two people have the same. You have fresh breath and smooth skin. There is a lot more you already have that your not bothered to appreciate because your too occupied to deem your light, you question and compare your precious body way too much, you focus on the flaws in you, while i am busy looking at your smile.
There are no flaws, Your are Beautiful in every perfect imperfection.
If you choose to judge your body and than amend it with surgical help make sure its personally for you and not attached to a need to fit in and fix things. It is your own body and I believe it is your own choice, and only your choice, what you decide to do with your body.
I will never judge or look down on anybody for deciding to change how they look – Because to me, looks are irrelevant to the person you are. What is more important is to be unique and to be you.
Please Change the Way You Think. I know many of you have probably heard this many times before… but it’s all about perspective.
Below are some of the ways I have reworked through my own thoughts in the past when I have struggled with my own insecurities.
NOTE FOR SELF.
When we meet other people, most of us do not judge the size, looks, or proportions of another person’s body. They simple are as they are. And if we can do that for others, why cannot we do that for ourselves?
One of the best things we can do to ourselves, is to start treating yourself as if you care about yourself. It’s surprising how plain & simple such a concept is, but how rare we actually practice it towards ourselves.
Treat yourself as you would your best, most treasured friend. We would never tell them that they need to look better. That they’re too fat, too skinny, their nose too big, or their hair too crazy. No – you see them and love them as they are.
That is the state of mind and heart where you want to lead yourself towards. Starting Now, That is how you should treat yourself.
NOTE FROM OTHERS
You are not ugly. And you know how I know?
Because I have never thought someone was “ugly”. And most of the people around me do not look at people and think of the word “ugly” or divide people between pretty or ugly.
There are only a few people every now and then that we meet that make it a point to demean others for how they look – and that is simply a reflection of their own character – not your’s.
Let me reiterate again: Those “ugly” words have nothing to do with you. So don’t let them in and let them create a place to live inside you.
I hope that if anyone ever makes fun of you for how you look, I hope you can be strong – and dress however you want, sport whatever hairstyle you want, and go out and look whatever way you want.
Your happiness depends solely on yourself. What others say or do to you is completely irrelevant to your own happiness. This may sound weird to some of you – but drill this in your mind until you completely understand this.
You and your well-being are not slaves to the approval of others.
You are completely free to be happy. Despite what others say about you, you must take responsibility to feed words of love to yourself even when others do not.
THOSE WHO FEEL AS IF THEY DON’T LOOK GOOD IN THEIR SELFIES OR THEIR REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR
You are a different person than what you appear in your photos, in the mirror, or to other people in your everyday life.
There are so many perceptions of who you are – And it’s up to you to decide who is truly you: The “you” in your selfies? The “you” when you look in the mirror? The “you” in the eyes of other people as you go outside? Or the concept of “yourself” as you live everyday and look at the world and the thoughts and feelings that come to you from living as “you”.
Because maybe the main part of yourself isn’t your physical looks at all (we don’t spend most of our days looking at ourselves after all) – but instead the eyes that takes in the universe around us.
We spend most of our days taking in the world around us – and how we do so is as much a reflection of who “you” are.
So be aware of how you see the world – and make it so beautiful that nothing else could ever be ugly. Not even yourself.
FOR WHEN YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT HOW YOUR LOOKS AFFECTS THE RELATIONSHIPS YOU CAN HAVE
It’s a natural worry we have when we are looking for a new relationship with somebody: “Are we good enough?”
And oftentimes, the main focus falls upon our looks and whether or not the person we like will think we look attractive or not.
However, looks are the least of our worries.
If someone denies a chance to get to know you simply based on your looks, it wasn’t even a relationship worth pursuing in the first place. In fact, it’ll be better that way in the long run.
You want someone to love you for all of you – not just based on your physical appearance.
That is to also say that just because someone declines you for a date or anything romantic, that it is due to your looks either. There are so many other reasons as well – Sometimes there just isn’t chemistry in their eyes.
For relationships, I think it’s best to work on creating yourself into the best person you can be: Be ambitious, joyful, caring, attentive, and everything that is you.
The right person will come into your life, and when you have that self-respect, confidence, and love towards yourself, your character is what is going to attract the right person to you.
That is what you want a relationship to be built around – not looks.
Through time and life experience, we realize how insignificant one’s physical looks are in comparison to the magic of everything else a human being is.
The skin is merely a shell to all else we invisibly are.
YOU’RE NOT AS BAD-LOOKING AS YOU THINK
This war about whether or not you look good or not is probably just a battle of your mind. In reality, to most people, you aren’t as bad-looking as you think. Perhaps to a lot of people, you are beautiful in your own charming, unique way.
THINGS TO DO
Stop constantly taking selfies and comparing yourself to others:
Instead explore the world and meet new people. Broaden your perspective in life and you will realize how miniscule one’s looks are when it comes to our relationship with others and yourself.
Start journaling: Fall in love with your inner self – There is more to you than you may imagine.
Wear something you love:
Try out new outfits and find something that makes you feel like a thousand bucks. Styling yourself is a form of self expression – and can really give you a boost in confidence.
Stay healthy:
Remember to eat healthy and exercise. Find healthy foods you love (ex: avocado toast!) or exercises you have fun doing (ex: yoga). Creating a healthy lifestyle can do wonders to regulating stress and taking care one’s mind.
Smile:
Your smiling face is so pretty. The next time you’re standing in front of the mirror, smile – And learn to love that smile.
Redefine beautiful:
Create a new standard for what a beautiful person is. One that is more realistic and healthier. One that can be found in real life – in the people around you – and not just in Instagram photos, magazine covers, or other pre-edited, fine-tuned shots.
You are not ugly - for when you don't like the way you look
Yes, it can be a lot harder to change your own perception of the way you look than it is to physically change the way you look (depending on the extent).
But a lot of people give up ever changing their thoughts because of that – and sometimes, taking that shortcut doesn’t fix things for the long term.
It is my belief that learning to have power over one’s mind, rather than letting the mind be the thing that destroys you, is a skill that will take you to farther heights than any thing else in this world.
At the end of the day, your life, soul, and body is unique to you and your journey, and nothing I say can apply the same to everyone. The best choices can be completely different between two different people. And who’s to say there is even a “best choice” in all of life.
There is only learning, and that learning is always meant to be.
I hope you found this blog post helpful if you ever have thoughts that you are ugly: Whether it be for just a single moment or a long period in your life.
You are Beautiful.
Your are already Beautiful. I don't need to see you of know you. Because me looking at you and commenting will still not be true to you.
Because your simple cant believe it to be true. Smile My Love, Your Beautiful.